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Thoughts from Vintage Yoga...

Week 38 My Self-love Journey


For as long as I can remember, I had this belief that we shouldn’t focus on ourselves. My understanding was that focusing on oneself was self-centered, egotistical, or perhaps even narcissistic. Not saying that I didn’t think about myself, but my reality was that I thought more about other people. Specifically, I thought about what they thought about me.


Through “My Self-love Journey” I have become more self-aware. This awareness has helped me DISCOVER things about myself.


This weekend I participated in a training session from the Trauma Center Trauma Sensitive Yoga. In the training, we were assigned small groups for discussion and practical application of the things we were learning. During our first breakout session, I found myself taking the role of the facilitator of our small group. This was a big surprise for me, because in the past I typically shied away from this role, always waiting for someone else to take the lead. Things were going quite nicely. We had some good discussions and were developing a good rapport. In our final breakout session, we each had to present three yoga “forms” or postures using the skills we had learned to present our chosen forms to our teammates in a trauma sensitive manner.


This is where things began to “go South” for me. It was an amazing thing for me to witness myself go from this seemingly confident facilitator to a scattered, frightened presenter! I had no idea that this was going to happen to me. Somehow, when I went from simply leading the group to presenting, my mind shifted into fear mode. Nothing changed except my role but that was enough to upend my apple cart.


There are three things this experience showed me. First, by working on myself and self-love, I had the courage to step into the role of facilitating. The “before” me would not have done that, especially in a setting with total strangers.


Second, because of my journey, I was able to notice the shift that occurred when my role changed. The “before” me would have simply been afraid to share and afraid to present. The “before” me was usually on Fear Autopilot. Fear was my default setting, and I didn’t understand that.


The third thing I DISCOVERed from this experience is that I was able to view it from a place of curiosity. The “before” me would have scolded myself for being afraid or for doing “a bad job.” Now, because of my journey and the work I’ve done, I am kinder and more patient with myself. Now, I simply want to understand why I had this shift in my mind and body when I had to present to my small group.


My SelfLove Journey has helped me become more in tune with what is happening within me. It has given me the ability to be kinder, more loving and more understanding of how I interact with and relate to the world around me. And now I know that it’s a good thing to focus on ME. When I am focused on me, I learn from myself.


How might your life be different if you were more focused on yourself? If you were to consider making one simple change today that focuses on what YOU need, what might that be? As always, I invite you to share your thoughts.


With Love & Gratitude,

Charlotte

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